How to Fight Fair with Your Partner – Yes, It's Possible! 🌟
Happy New Year!!
I hope you had a safe and wonderful holiday. We spent the last week playing tourist in our hometown and this weekend we head to NYC for a quick trip before the kids head back to school on Monday. Shawn and I always try to set our intentions and goals for the new year, and this year we will be working on being softer with each other. We talk to the teenagers about tone a lot and it’s something that we really want to model for them. We know that we will get frustrated with each other but how can we express it in a way that doesn’t escalate the situation or shut the other one down.
So let’s talk about something that happens in every relationship: conflict. Yep, even in the healthiest ones. But here’s the thing — it’s not what you fight about that matters, it’s how you fight. Fighting fair can actually strengthen your relationship. Let’s dive into some tips to help you keep your love life solid, even during disagreements. ✨
1. Don’t Play the Blame Game 🎯
When emotions run high, it’s easy to point fingers. Instead, use “I” statements to express how you feel. For example, say, “I feel hurt when…” rather than, “You always…” This small shift helps your partner hear you without getting defensive.
2. Stick to the Issue 🌌
Ever start arguing about dishes and end up rehashing something from three years ago? We’ve all been there. Keep your focus on the current issue. Dragging up old stuff only muddies the waters and escalates things unnecessarily.
3. Listen to Understand, Not to Reply 🔊
We’re often so busy preparing our response that we don’t really listen. Give your partner the floor, hear them out, and reflect back what you’ve heard. A simple, “So you’re saying…” can work wonders.
4. Take a Timeout if Needed ⏰
Sometimes, the best way to fight fair is to pause. If things get too heated, agree to take a break and revisit the conversation when you’re both calmer. Pro tip: Set a specific time to return to the discussion so it doesn’t feel like you’re avoiding it.
5. Remember, It’s You + Your Partner vs. the Problem 🏆
You’re on the same team. Remind yourselves that the goal isn’t to “win” the fight; it’s to solve the problem together. A little perspective can go a long way.
Wrap-Up 🌟
Conflict doesn’t have to be a relationship killer. By fighting fair, you can turn disagreements into opportunities for growth and deeper connection. Next time you feel an argument brewing, try out these tips and see how they transform your conversations.
Got a favorite tip for fighting fair? Or a story about how you’ve turned conflict into connection? Hit reply and share with us — we’d love to hear it! 😊
Until next week,
Steph
